for family & friends
How to Respond
- Recognize infertility exists.
- I am sorry that you’re having to go through so much.
- What can I do for you?
- Teach me about what you are going through so I can better understand.
- Never give up. Keep believing.
- It is okay to cry.
What to Say
- Non-selfish comments.
- Voice interest in medical treatments.
- I’ll be praying for you and your spouse.
- I am here for you.
- Keep praying and asking God. He hears you.
- Give a scripture.
- You’ll be a great mom or dad!
- I can’t wait to meet your baby!
- Give a call on Mother’s Day/Father’s Day.
- In a loving way, remind them of God’s promises.
- Don’t say anything, just listen and encourage.
What NOT to Say
- When are you going to have children?
- Just adopt.
- Are you sure you want to try for a child?
- Shouldn’t you wait until ‘this’ happens or ‘that’ happens?
- Quit trying so hard.
- From a medical specialist, “You will never have a baby.”
- Give up. Let it go. It will happen.
- It is not the end of the world if you don’t have kids!
- Just relax.
- You’re too old to have a child.
- Just stop thinking about it so much, then it will happen.
- It will happen when you are least expecting it.
- Just go get drunk.
- There is more to life than just being a “mom”.
- At least you’re an aunt. That’s fun!
- Complain about your own children.
- Questioning the ability to be a mother.
- At least you have a husband.
For Other Family Members
- Let up on the questions, “Do you want children?” or “Where are my grandchildren?”
- Do not treat the woman/infertile couple differently.
- Do not test them on how they will react to other children in the family.
- Keep the issue within the family.
- Be their biggest cheerleader.
- Get educated on fertility treatments and terminology.
- Be sensitive that they may not want to share the highs and lows of the journey.
- Ask how they feel, not just ask superficial things.
- Encourage faith. Pray with them.
- Try not to fix the situation.
- At family gatherings: Be aware that the couple may not come around as often.
- After the initial issue is shared within the family, don’t sweep it under the rug. Silence about the matter can be a killer.