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You’re Not Just a Peon

Hannah DUBL_001

Hi everyone! It’s Hannah here today. I’m usually over on hannahbunker.com, but I’m also contributing writer here on Dancing Upon Barren Land which you can read all about in this post. Every time I get a chance to write for this website I consider it an honor! This post is something I wrote for our HOPE Infertility Support group at Lakewood Church. I hope it encourages you.


I’ve always had strong emotions associated with the new year. As a child and teenager I remember being overwhelmed by an incredible whirlpool of sentimentality the second the clock struck midnight on new years eve. That one second difference in time gave my world a completely different feeling. Although it was only one second from 11:59 to midnight, that one second made it feel like the past was moving further behind me than the future was moving toward me. My emotions were a mix between wanting to stay in the past, but looking forward to the future.

As I’ve gotten older I still get sentimental thinking about sweet memories, but I’m more excited about what the future has in store. I think of the new year as a way to leave the bad junk from the past behind and look forward to the wonderful plans God has in store for my life.

I’ve been looking forward to a new year of HOPE to see the great things God has planned for our group. To start off the new year, in our January meeting Lesli asked us five questions regarding the things from 2012 that we want to leave behind. Questions like, “What things do you want to leave behind in 2012?” and “What do you want to let go of in your infertility journey?” These are great questions to ask ourselves. The one question that spoke to me the most was “What is something that someone said to you in 2012 that you want to leave behind?”

My answer: Last year someone told me that I’m “just a peon.”

Ouch. Those words did more than sting – they wounded. This answer to Lesli’s question had nothing to do directly with my fertility, however it is a lie the enemy has used to shimmy his way into the vulnerable spots of my journey.

The spot where I say, “Lord, I know that you will fulfill your promise to me that I will have a family.” The enemy says, “He doesn’t care about your desires – you’re just a peon.”

The spot where I say, “Lord, use me and my story to help minister to hurting women.” The enemy says, “You can’t help people – you’re just a peon.”

The spot that says, “Lord, help me to make a difference in this world using the story and the talents that you have given me.” The enemy says, “You’ll never make a difference – you’re just a peon.”

But you know what? When I hear that voice talk down to me and those words echo in my head, I claim what God says about me in the Bible. I am NOT just a peon! I’m a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made, with a beautiful purpose for my life. The Bible says that he knows the number of hairs on my head and that if he cares so much for the birds and the ants, that he cares even more so about me. So this lie that the enemy says to me is something I’ve decided to leave way back in 2012. I am not the peon. The enemy is the peon!

I want to take this opportunity to encourage you. If there is something from the past that has hurt you – an unkind word, a failed fertility treatment, a diagnosis – don’t listen to the lies the enemy is telling you. Shake that junk off and look forward to a bright new year. God has great things in store for you! He cares about every detail of your life. He is working on your behalf, even if we can’t see it yet, to fulfill the beautiful plan and purpose he has in store for you…plans to prosper you, not to harm you. And plans to give you a HOPE and a future! (Jer 29:11)


Ask yourself those questions as well…

What is something that someone said to you in 2012 that you want to leave behind? What things do you want to leave behind in 2012? What do you want to let go of in your infertility journey?

Remember, you are not forgotten!

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