This Day…
My mom and me
All across the United States there are three words spoken to celebrate this day, “Happy Mother’s Day!” a day where we honor and recognize our mother’s.
This day a double-edged dagger comes close to my heart.
I have no Mom to say, “Happy Mother’s Day” to and I have no children of my own to say, “Happy Mother’s Day!” to me.
But I resist the dagger’s piercing point and I say, this day, “No weapon formed against me will prosper!” Isaiah 54:17. I will not allow three words to get me down and I encourage you to do the same!
For years, on Mother’s Day, I’ve had a special delivery, hand-engraved invitation requesting my presence to a ‘pity party’. When I attended I was always the ‘life of the party’ participating in and playing the game called the Emotional Roller Coaster. But this day, I refused the invitation.
Never in my wildest dreams would I think my mother and her sweet presence would not be here today to celebrate. Gone is the chance to commemorate her uniqueness, to admire her gifts and honor her role as a mother…and to tell her so. The opportunity fleeting as was her last breath.
But this day, I choose to remember her last words to me, “I need you to be strong.” (read this recent post, https://dancinguponbarrenland.com/2011/03/i-need-you-to-be-strong/ ). I knew her very well, she wouldn’t want me to be wailing and crying over her not being here. I cried so many tears her last days here on earth, why cry more?
With my thoughts written here, it may sound crass, cold, un-empathetic (if there is such a word). Truly, it’s not. If anything these experiences have left an indelible mark on my heart, an empathy and compassion for those desiring children and now, for those who have lost their precious mothers.
I don’t know what you are experiencing today, maybe it’s the longing to be a mother yet to be fulfilled, or maybe you’ve lost your mom as well or you’re like me and dealing with both on this Mother’s Day. This scripture keeps coming to me…
“In the multitude of my thoughts within me Thy comforts delight my soul.”
Psalm 94:19.
You may ask, “But Lesli, how can I find comfort when my heart is in so much pain? How can you have joy in the midst of years of longing for children? After losing your mom two weeks ago, how come you are not upset as Mother’s Day is celebrated today?”
I’ve come to realize scripture can be swirling around in our heads. We can profess, confess, read and recite scripture over and over until we are blue in the face. The key is getting it down from your head and into your heart.
It’s called revelation.
Have you checked lately? There is a bit of distance from your head to your heart. So it may take some time. I say to you, ‘Keep on keeping on!’ Press into Jesus; cry out and aloud with tears to the One who can mend your broken heart. Learn how to trust, keep believing in His Word.
I am putting a disclaimer on what I’ve written. I am not perfect person and I am not a perfect Christian, I have ‘my moment’s’. But I can say the tears, heartache and disappointment of infertility are feelings which few and far between in my life now. God has done this for me and I know He can do it for you!
One day you’ll see three little words won’t ruin your day or your life.
I love you with the love of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,
Lesli