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The Hardest Day of the Year

Mother’s Day is quickly approaching, ready to pounce on the fragile emotions of every infertile woman in the world. We are doomed for a day of being excluded from dozens of rituals: Mother’s day presents, breakfast in bed, special mothers’ gifts they will give out during church service, and the flowers that the hostess will hand out at the restaurant we eat at for lunch. This is such a hard day for a woman that struggles with infertility. It is a day to celebrate our mothers and the women in our lives who are like mothers but in spite of the celebration of those women, there is a dark cloud that looms over our head with the reminder that we don’t yet have our little ones in our arms. I, myself, have to fight the urge to stay in my pajamas all day and eat Oreos in bed while I catch up on my recorded shows for hours upon end, secluding myself from any reminder that I have never once in my life had the privilege of being called “mom.”

For me, the hardest part of the day is that I have no control over my motherhood status but I am being excluded from something I want to be celebrated for. It is not my choice that I can’t leap from my pew when the pastor asks for all of the mothers to stand up during church service. It’s not my fault that I don’t get the free dessert at the end of a special dinner out to eat because I don’t have a little one to care for. If it were up to me, I would be three Mother’s Day celebrations into it already.

So what do we women, who long for more than anything to be celebrated as mothers, do on Mother’s Day? How do we handle the flurry of emotions? First, I want to tell you that it is okay to grieve. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sobbing into our pillows and getting chocolate chip cookie crumbs in our bed sheets. I have done this on many an occasion. But what I have found alleviates my pain and helps me get through this rough time is to take the focus off of myself and start pouring into the lives of others. I want to encourage you on this Mother’s Day to sew seeds into someone’s life. Personally, I have seen this in my own life as I have begun writing about our infertility journey, volunteering, and even going out of my way to do something special for my dear friends who are new moms. It hasn’t always been easy and it’s still incredibly hard at times when all I want is for everyone to acknowledge and understand the excruciating emotional pain that infertility has plagued on me. But it’s so amazing the transformation we begin to see in ourselves when we take the focus off of us and we step outside of our circumstances and begin pouring love and light into those around us.

Second, I want to encourage you to look past the celebratory rituals that are forced upon us and find total solace in knowing that we are women with a mother’s heart – something so pure and selfless that we want nothing more than to completely devote our entire lives for the well-being of another little human; To raise them in a way to love others in order to help make this world a better place; That we will go through whatever it takes to have a little one in our arms. That beautiful, sweet desire is something that deserves a celebration. You, dear friend, deserve to be celebrated. Don’t forget that. You are a beautiful creation intended for a divine plan and purpose and the mother’s heart you already have is one to rival any woman out there.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. – Ephesians 3:20

So girlfriend, when that hostess at lunch asks, “Are you a mom?” I say you take that flower out of her hand and with everything in you tell her, “I am in my heart!” Then give her a high-five (I’m a high-fiver) and order the fanciest dish on the menu because you deserve the best!

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