The Bird’s Nest
Hi everyone! It’s Hannah here. I’m so honored to be posting today on Dancing Upon Barren Land! If you’re interested in learning more about who I am and why I’m here, you can read more about that on the introduction post that Lesli posted {HERE}.
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I spent the lonely car ride home with tears welling in my eyes. Though I had just spent the last few hours with friends, my mind began dwelling on the thought that I was coming home to an empty house. The past few weeks have been rough; for the third time my husband, Aaron, and I have been in anticipation to finally start the IVF process and for the third time we have been stopped dead in our tracks. Finances, paperwork, and physical issues have halted us each time. I’ve tried not to put all of my hope into believing IVF is the answer to our fertility problems, but having a next step or plan has helped me pull through the waiting time.
“If we can only make it to November, then we’ll start our treatment.”
Then November became January; January became April; April became September; September became Never.
Now what do we do? We wait for the next step. But for me the waiting is instinctively filled with anxiousness and loneliness when there is no plan or deadline to look forward to. I begin to get anxious over finances and wonder how in the world are we ever going to save more money to cover the cost of expensive fertility treatments? I wonder whether or not my body will even cooperate with treatments and give us the chance to try. The worst is the unexplainable loneliness and isolation I feel that begins to attack my thought life and in turn sends me into depression.
These thoughts and these worries rage a daily, exhausting mental battle. But it’s a battle I know I can’t fight on my own. A battle I know I don’t have to fight on my own. As the tears fall down my cheeks as I turn into my neighborhood I pray, “God, you see me right now. You know how anxious I am…how broken I am…how lonely I am. You know that the enemy is attacking my thought life. I need your strength to fight this battle. I know you care about me. Please give me peace and rest as I cast all of these burdens on you. I’ll be still, because I know you are God.”
As I pull into the driveway I look to the left and see our oak tree – our oak tree that has contorted itself at the trunk and is at about a 45-degree angle from the ground. For me it has become such an eye sore and even an embarrassment that every time I pull into the driveway I think, “We just need to replace this tree.”
But this particular day something caught my eye. I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before.
A bird had built its nest in our crooked tree.
I immediately thought of one of the verses I consider to be a life verse for me:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:25-27
This scripture has pulled me through so many seasons and at the most perfect moment, finding this beautiful bird’s nest spoke to my heart. It was God reminding me, “No need to worry. I’ve got you. I hear you. I’ll take care of you. I care about these little guys, so I definitely care about you.”
These little birds may be nestled in the middle of a crooked tree, just as we are surrounded by situations that fill us with worry and make us want to pull up our roots and give up. But these birds are being taken care of in the middle of something so ugly – A tree I’ve been ready to pull out and replace! But now I see this tree has a purpose; It’s housing and preparing a little bird family to grow up and face the world. Our journey, though very painful, is only a temporary home that is building us to be the incredible parents I know we are destined to become.
So when we are filled with thoughts of worry, anxiousness, and utter loneliness when we can’t see the next step, let’s remember; God is taking care of those little birds. That means he’s definitely taking care of us.
