Seeds of Talent
If you’ve been following along on the blog you’ve probably noticed a series I’ve been writing, Living Life While You Wait. Today, marks part three of the series, Seeds of Talent. I’ve been taking parts of my story and posting them in this space. I hope they’ve been and are an encouragement to you.
If you’d like to read the first two installments just click the links below.
Seeds of Talent
Living Life While You Wait, Part 3
For me, after months of disappointment, no positive pregnancy news, and dealing with the horrid emotions of infertility I came to realize I was in a box. I call it the “Me Want Baby Box!”
I felt as if I was sitting in this box, each of the walls covered with photos, posters, and plaques about getting pregnant. Every direction I looked, I saw something dealing with a baby. Having a baby was all I could think about. Throughout the process of infertility, we can put ourselves in this box, trapped by our own desires. Phil Munsey said, “We tend to be so consumed with what we want, we lose sight of the fact of who we are.”
After our last fertility treatment, my husband and I sat in the doctor’s office waiting for the pregnancy test results. The doctor sat across from us with a somber look and said, “I’m sorry, it is negative. With your age and your egg maturity, I feel there is not hope for you to conceive.”
The words pierced my soul. I felt like someone sucked the air out of the room and I was left lying on the floor. It was if something died within my heart. That day was one of the most difficult days of my life. Thankfully, God’s grace flooded me that evening. He healed me from my giref and sorrow and in those moments of pain; He brought joy and laughter (but that’s a story for another blog post).
The next morning I recall sitting at my breakfast table, praying emphatically outloud, “Devil, watch out. I have seeds to sow into women.”
We went to dinner with some longtime friends, and they inquired about how the HOPE Christian Infertility Support Group was coming along.
I said, “I have this desire to reach out. I know there are more women out there hurting through infertility.”
He said, “If you want to do that, we will help you get you started.”
Tears streamed down my face. My husband was talking to another guest at the table. He looked over and noticed me crying. Concerned, he asked, “Lesli, what’s wrong?”
With the typical female response, I replied, “Oh, nothing.” I was truly speechless because of the kind gesture of our friends.
That night their words validated a seed of talent in my heart, the call of God. The seed was dormant and lying lifeless in the soil of my life. The words of our friends brought the seed to life. Within mnths, I contacted their web designer who designs corportate websites, and the couple gave me $3,000 to start the online ministry.
And my first baby was born in 2009, Dancing Upon Barren Land – Spiritual Nourishment for the Infertility Road . It is the blog, the online ministry resource you are reading now. 🙂 Now I minister to others around the world through the website, at local infertility support groups, which have formed in other churches too and speak at national infertility and adoption conferences. God has birthed a ministry and a joy in me beyond anything I could have dreamed.
It is said a seed’s stage of dormancy can “survive adverse conditions until circumstances are favorable for growth.” I survived the adverse condition of the doctor’s report, which pushed me into a favorable circumstance, the dinner with our friends, and essentially God’s plan for my life. The seed of talent and ministry burst forth to produce beautiful fruit. Skills withhin me broke through to the surface — administrative aptitudes and creative gifts and relationship abilities. My dream of bearing a child still lies dormant, with the hope of sprouting soon (I will never give up), but a new dream of serving and giving hope to others blossomed.
Once I had horrible mixed feelings when a close friend became pregnant; I was so happy for her, yet jealous of her and so sad for me. On another day, a doctor’s report crushed me to the core. In these times, the barrenness seemed to overwhelm me. Yet with kindness and gentleness, Jesus helped me overcome the pain, and each new day presents an opportunity to live life to the fullest.
“Your heart is full of fertile seeds, waiting to sprout.” Moreihei Ushiba
God platned seeds in you, seeds to grow your character, seeds to help you become a giver, and seeds to use your talents. These seeds are glorious gifts from the Heavenly Father. Rejoice in Him. You are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. He created you to be beautiful and talented.
Yes, you have the God-given desire to be a mother or father, but what about you? What seeds are lying dormant within you, just waiting to sprout? (Leave a comment if you wish).
You are more than your desire, just as you are more than any accomplishment. I hope you know you’ll come to believe that and receive it in your heart today!