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Reproductive Cycle vs. Relationship

by Lesli A. Westfall

When I first start leading support groups we’d use a specific book. Other times I created the lesson and shared it within the group. Reproductive Cycle vs. Relationship is just one of many lessons I’ve written over the years. 

I’m a firm believer in resources and being resourceful. At almost every meeting I led I’d always have a handout, something tangible the members could take home and refer to. At our support groups I’d always have a Resource table, with different articles, information about adoption or other infertility resources too.

If you’re a support group leader I encourage you to do the same. Feel free to copy this lesson and use in your group as well. It could be a talking point for your group. I just ask that you reference Dancing Upon Barren Land website as the source. (Thank you!) 🙂

Below is the handout from the lesson with tidbits of the teaching.  Even though the lesson is not presented here in its’ entirety, I feel it will be thought provoking.  I pray it will spur you on to check your attitude towards your spouse, in particular our husbands and your relationship with God.


by Lesli A. Westfall

Scripture Reference: Read 1 Samuel 1:1-18, with emphasis on verses 8 and 15.

Our Husbands: An Understanding of their Perspective

  • Men usually want to ‘fix it’.
  • Often times men deal with grief, sadness or helplessness in the only way they know how…by being strong.

Does your marriage have tunnel vision?

Question to ponder:

  • Is your tunnel vision directed toward your marriage instead of motherhood?
  • Is infertility or your loss an element in every conversation you have with your husband?
  • Do you seem agitated when speaking with your husband?
  • Do you seem to focus on this void in your life too much?
  • Are you focused on ‘mandatory romantic encounters’ each month, or do you truly have a passion / desire to love your husband intimately?

When we feel deprived of a family, we have forgotten the gift of God He has given us already in our spouse.  Don’t allow infertility to rob you off this realization.

What if you and your spouse disagree?


  • Be careful not to always see things from your point of view.
  • Be aware of how you interpret your husband’s response to infertility or loss of a child.

“Although two views may cause unwanted conflict, when we choose to listen to each other lovingly, with open hearts, we enlarge our perspective.”
 Longing for a Child, Kathe Wunnenberg

Submit and Pray
(Yuck! I know some of you don’t like to hear or read the word submit. Yet one definition of submit is to stop trying to fight or resist something: to agree to do or accept something that you have been resisting or opposing.) 

  • Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”   Ephesians 5:22-23
  • You will find that submitting to your husband will be vital when major decisions come.  Prayer is helpful in keeping your heart attitude right.
  • Prayer is powerful when you and your husband come into agreement.  
  • What does submission have to do with infertility?  EVERYTHING!

Our Relationship with God:

God’s desire is that we put Him first place!  All throughout the Bible it speaks of God being a jealous God over us.

And He said to them, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.”     Matthew 20:4

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”                                         Matthew 6:33

Questions to ponder in your relationship with God:

  • Do you love God for who He is or what He can do for you?
  • Are we seeking the created thing (children) more than seeking the Creator?


Take some time to think over and answer the questions I’ve asked here. I pray the information in this handout will help you to see your perspective in relation to your spouse and to God. I’m praying for your marriages today!




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