A Dazzling Desire in a Dark Place
A Dazzling Desire in a Dark Place
from Her Story, His Touch Series
by Lesli A. Westfall
“And we have the prophetic word [made] firmer still. You will do well to pay close attention to it, to a lamp shining in a dismal (squalid and dark) place, until the day breaks through [the gloom] and the Morning Star rises (comes into being) in your hearts” 2 Peter 1:19 (AMP).
The morning star, the planet Venus, rises early in the east giving way to the day’s dawning. In our world, the sun, the most brilliant star to our natural eye alights each new day of our lives. The glorious light dispels the gloom of every shade, shadow, and darkness.
For several years I searched for any light to squelch the empty dark place in my heart. The darkness consisted of a quest. A longing to find my place in this vast world. Some of those days were extremely hard. Many days filled with a sense of hopelessness.
I searched for light, any light, through the act of busyness. I started a new business, served like Martha (Luke 10:40) in my local church, and tried finding my life’s purpose through others. My pursuits only led me down a dimly lit path of temporary fulfillment.
For the longest, the desire for children was not first place in my heart. My husband and I were on a mission through our careers with the intent on saving enough cash to buy a house. (A lofty goal). However, as I approached my mid-30’s being childless made it increasingly hard for me to fit in with other women—even women within my church.
Finally, in my personal prayer time I got the nerve to ask God (as if I was scared of the answer) if it was His will for me to be a mom. Here’s my journal entry.
I wonder about my life. The direction I will go. I have really prayed over being a mother and am asking the Lord if it is His will that He would put the desire in my heart and my husband’s…and cause me to become pregnant — only if it is meant to be.
Fast forward to a year later to a Mother’s Day Church service. The minister began his sermon,
“Today, the topic of my message is about barrenness.”
He spoke about various aspects of barrenness in our lives—not just for women but for men as well. When he talked of women desiring children, I felt a stirring within me, a rapid beating in my heart, and weakness in my knees. A well of tears came into my eyes. These sensations surprised me, but somehow I knew the feelings were from God.
The minister’s words were like the the morning star in the east before dawn. A brilliant break through penetrating my dark hopelessness. In that moment, the Morning Star, Jesus (Revelation 22:16) brought a sense of purpose, a coming into being, introducing me to the dazzling desire of my heart: motherhood.
Arm in arm my husband and I left the church service. I could feel sunshine of an early summer day on my face, as well as, the light of the Morning Star, Jesus shining—bringing the warmth of peace and joy into my soul.
I use the star symbolically relating my story through infertility. But God has used the star significantly throughout Biblical History. The Bethlehem Star was used as a sign pointing the way for the wise men revealing where the baby Jesus was born. He used the stars with the patriarch Abraham, formerly Abram, to reveal God’s covenant.
In fact Genesis 15:4 God said to Abram, “‘Look up at the heavens and count the stars—-if indeed you can count them.” Then He said to him, ‘So shall your offspring be.’”
I like how my friend and author Beth Forbus puts it, “Count them Abram, just see if you can! Those are your children Abram! Surely there was a divine twinkle in God’s eye as He watched Abram’s callous finger point skyward and his jaw drop open. The greater number of stars, the greater Abram’s lineage grew.” *
The heavens proclaimed and ordained God’s purpose as God instructed Abram to look up. As the wise men looked forward they saw His star in the east and came to worship Him. The star announced God’s desire to give His Son as the Saviour of the world. Whether it was the illumination of one star or many, each emitted a light giving eternal purpose. The origin of the word desire means to “await what the stars will bring.” ** I find that quite interesting! Like Abraham and the wise men, I too found eternal purpose in that Mother’s Day sermon.
The desire God placed within me to become a mother fulfilled that longing quest dispelling every shade of dark hopelessness. That day took place many years ago, but the light of His desire still dazzles me to this day. I’m trusting Him and His purpose will continue to light up my path.
What about you? What do you see? Has any darkness in your story cast a shadow upon your future? Or, is the sun, the only brilliant light you see?
All of us more than likely have witnessed a clear night sky. Heaven’s expanse is full of stars. Instead of reaching at arms length and grasping for the stars of self-fulfillment I knew I had to reach for the heavens to the Morning Star, Jesus. The one who breaks the dawn.
The place only God can fill.
Perhaps you can begin to see the Morning Star, Jesus, twinkling on the horizon of each new day. His desire is for you come to Him. Let the the light and love of His presence swallow up darkness surrounding you. May His Light break through the cloud of your hopelessness giving way to the dawn, the purpose and plan for your life.