for Family & Friends

How to Respond

  • Recognize infertility exists.
  • I am sorry that you’re having to go through so much.
  • What can I do for you?
  • Teach me about what you are going through so I can better understand.
  • Never give up. Keep believing.
  • It is okay to cry.

What to Say

  • Non-selfish comments.
  • Voice interest in medical treatments.
  • I’ll be praying for you and your spouse.
  • I am here for you.
  • Keep praying and asking God. He hears you.
  • Give a scripture.
  • You’ll be a great mom or dad!
  • Give a call on Mother’s Day/Father’s Day or send a “Thinking of You” card.
  • In a loving way, remind them of God’s promises.
  • Don’t say anything, just listen and encourage.

What NOT to Say

  • When are you going to have children?
  • Just adopt.
  • Are you sure you want to try for a child?
  • Shouldn’t you wait until ‘this’ happens or ‘that’ happens?
  • Quit trying so hard.
  • From a medical specialist, “You will never have a baby.”
  • You shouldn’t have lives such a wild past. God must me punishing you.
  • Give up. Let it go. It will happen.
  • It is not the end of the world if you don’t have kids!
  • Just relax.
  • You’re too old to have a child.
  • Just stop thinking about it so much, then it will happen.
  • It will happen when you are least expecting it.
  • Just go get drunk.
  • There is more to life than just being a “mom”.
  • At least you’re an aunt. That’s fun!
  • Complain about your own children.
  • Questioning the ability to be a mother.
  • At least you have a spouse.

For Other Family Members

  • Let up on the questions, “Do you want children?” or “Where are my grandchildren?”
  • Do not treat the woman/infertile couple differently.
  • Do not test them on how they will react to other children in the family.
  • Keep the issue within the family. Respect¬†their privacy.
  • Be their biggest cheerleader.
  • Get educated on fertility treatments and terminology.
  • Be sensitive that they may not want to share the highs and lows of the journey.
  • Ask how they feel, not just ask superficial things.
  • Encourage faith. Pray with them.
  • Try not to fix the situation.
  • At family gatherings: ¬†Be aware that the couple may not come around as often.
  • After the initial issue is shared within the family, don’t sweep it under the rug. Silence about the matter can be a killer.
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