For some reading this post, yesterday, Mother’s day, was a day you enjoyed celebrating because you’ve been blessed with a child.  Yet after the closing of the day, some of you still find an aching, longing in your heart. Secondary infertility is not uncommon, but what is common is the guilt associated for wanting another child. My friend, God doesn’t want you to feel that way. I’m believing the Secondary Infertility Prayer and Scripture Reflections will bring liberty to your heart and lift your soul.

Secondary Infertility

“Father, I’m thankful for the one child you have given me but am struggling with guilt of desiring another. Your Words says, ‘There is not guilt or condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus’ so I ask You would free me! Even though my heart is heavy I rejoice in You that You have the proper time and procedure for every matter! Most of all, the perfect plan to bring the desire of my heart another child. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habbakuk 3: 17-18

“For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man’s misery weighs heavily upon him.”
Ecclesiastes 8:6-7

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper not to harm you to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Well, we both sat there for awhile, she reading her magazines and me scribbling away!

So here’s my heart and encouragement for you for today.

April 25^th of last month marked one year in losing my mom. When I awakened that morning there was a sweet email in my inbox from my friend, Heather. She’s a second grade teacher, she wrote…

Just wanted to tell ya’ I love ya’.  

I know today may be hard, my advice is just go with what you are feeling. If you feel sad and weepy, go for it, allow yourself to be sad and weepy.  If you want to spend the day working in your garden, go for it, spend the day working in your garden.  

Today is your day to feel and do whatever you want, I give you permission to do and feel whatever you want. No, scratch that the teacher gives you permission to do and feel whatever you want. Trust me that is a powerful statement in room 404.

I love ya’ Les 

I was touched by her thoughtfulness, but was impacted by her statement.

I give you permission

There was something about her chain of words which broke through my aching, heavy soul bringing freedom. It felt like I could take a deep breath!

So, in light of Mother’s Day approaching.  I say to you…

I give you permission.

• To not go to church
• To do whatever you want to do
• To feel what you want to feel
• To cry in your bed and fill it with cookie crumbs, as Hannah says
•  “To______________.” You fill in the blank.
• THIS is your day! Take a deep breath!

Take note, on this day celebrated by millions around the world it’s easy for us to get in a slump and pull others down with us. So in our wave of emotions let’s not take others out to sea and in our self-pity, let’s celebrate solo and not make it a gathering attended by many – a pity party.

The lady at Starbucks loaded up her Ladies’ Home Journal and Oprah magazines and started heading out the door.

As she walked away she turned to me and said, “Oh by the way, ‘Happy Mother’s Day!’”

My mind was turning. Inwardly I was formulating words to say, ‘No, actually I’m not a Mom, I’m writing a post for those suffering infertility around the world.’

But I didn’t. I just smiled real big.

She stated, “Are you a mother?”

And I said, “No.”

She said, “Well, have a good weekend any way.” 

I smiled and said, “Thank you! You do the same!”

I didn’t feel upset or tangled by her words but realize we will never escape this holiday, huh?

Interesting Facts about Mother’s Day

• Mother’s Day was considered a United States modern invention  in 1908 and became a official holiday in 1914.
• The founder of Mother’s Day, chose Sunday because she wanted it “to be a holy day, not a holiday” and chose the 2^nd Sunday of May as a memorial to her own mother’s death.
• In 1912, she trademarked the phrase, “Mother’s Day” It is stated, “She was specific about the location of the apostrophe; it was to be singular possessive for each family to honor their mother, not plural possessive commemorating all mothers in the world.”
• Anna Jarvis, founder of Mother’s Day was never married and never had children.

Resources:  Wikipedia and www.canada.com

For me, the hardest part of the day is that I have no control over my motherhood status but I am being excluded from something I want to be celebrated for. It is not my choice that I can’t leap from my pew when the pastor asks for all of the mothers to stand up during church service. It’s not my fault that I don’t get the free dessert at the end of a special dinner out to eat because I don’t have a little one to care for. If it were up to me, I would be three Mother’s Day celebrations into it already.

So what do we women, who long for more than anything to be celebrated as mothers, do on Mother’s Day? How do we handle the flurry of emotions? First, I want to tell you that it is okay to grieve. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sobbing into our pillows and getting chocolate chip cookie crumbs in our bed sheets. I have done this on many an occasion. But what I have found alleviates my pain and helps me get through this rough time is to take the focus off of myself and start pouring into the lives of others. I want to encourage you on this Mother’s Day to sew seeds into someone’s life. Personally, I have seen this in my own life as I have begun writing about our infertility journey, volunteering, and even going out of my way to do something special for my dear friends who are new moms. It hasn’t always been easy and it’s still incredibly hard at times when all I want is for everyone to acknowledge and understand the excruciating emotional pain that infertility has plagued on me. But it’s so amazing the transformation we begin to see in ourselves when we take the focus off of us and we step outside of our circumstances and begin pouring love and light into those around us.

Second, I want to encourage you to look past the celebratory rituals that are forced upon us and find total solace in knowing that we are women with a mother’s heart – something so pure and selfless that we want nothing more than to completely devote our entire lives for the well-being of another little human; To raise them in a way to love others in order to help make this world a better place; That we will go through whatever it takes to have a little one in our arms. That beautiful, sweet desire is something that deserves a celebration. You, dear friend, deserve to be celebrated. Don’t forget that. You are a beautiful creation intended for a divine plan and purpose and the mother’s heart you already have is one to rival any woman out there.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. – Ephesians 3:20

So girlfriend, when that hostess at lunch asks, “Are you a mom?” I say you take that flower out of her hand and with everything in you tell her, “I am in my heart!” Then give her a high-five (I’m a high-fiver) and order the fanciest dish on the menu because you deserve the best!

When People Say Insensitive Things

“Heavenly Father, I’ve been hurt by the words of others and their insensitivity. Help me not to be offended, angry or bitter by what has been said, but help me to forgive. I ask for your help to hold my tongue.  Strengthen me in love so when I encounter it again I will not repay insult with insult but with blessing.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Scripture Refernces: Psalms 37:8, Psalms 141:3, Romans 12:14, I Corinthians 13:4, 5, Ephesians 6:10, Hebrews 12:15, 1 Peter 3:9

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. The theme from Resolve, the national infertility organization is “Don’t Ignore” bringing about awareness of infertility and the millions affected by it. As I reflected on their theme this week, I think I’ve come up with my very own theme.

A phrase: He sees, He knows, He cares.

He sees us struggling through the difficulty of growing a family.

He knows the psychological affects of infertility and how they slam us face down.

He cares about the multiple miscarriages we’ve had and the loss of life we’ve encountered.

How do I know?

Well, I believe it’s revealed in the little things.

Allow me to share this story. This experience has nothing to do with infertility, but how God can come in the midst of the details of our lives.

This time last year I lost my mother to complications after a simple surgery. I wrote about it last year, so I won’t go into all the details, but needless to say her hospital stay and death were unexpected.

She was an avid gardener, her tender love and care created a backyard paradise. What took years of daily attention took days for it to deteriorate. Of course, Texas’ record-breaking drought last year didn’t help matters either.

So I was on a mission, to save some of her plants and transfer them to my new garden. It was much ‘grief therapy’ for me, to have the presence of my dog, Clyde and dig in the dirt!

When I’d walk in my Mom’s garden as a young child and even as an adult, she would be quick to point out the presence of a butterfly, she’d exclaim, “Look! Lesli! Look!” There was something about butterflies making her eyes light up.

As I was planting an Easter Lily I received from her memorial service this butterfly came and landed on the lily near me. I mean this winged-baby was C.L.O.S.E. and the closer I got to it, it would not move.

I ran indoors to get Larry and said, “Get your camera! Come and see!” He captured some great shots. Here is one…

As I sat near the butterfly, it would flutter around my head and then land back again on the lily. It would not leave, it lingered. It cared less how close I got to it.

It was in the little things. The love my mother had for butterflies. The way it swirled around me. The way it lingered in my presence. Both Larry and I sensed it was God’s way of comforting me, letting me know He sees, He knows and He cares. The experience is something Larry and I will never forget.

Allow me to fast-forward a year later to just a few weeks ago.

I was out on my porch, sweeping and cleaning my patio. Prepping for my PeeP’s (girlfriends) to come over and celebrate a birthday and dine al fresco. As I was setting up chairs I saw this green, yellow, black caterpillar crawling up the side of the chair.  My immediate thought “Eww! Smash it! Kill it!”

But I didn’t, and I’m so glad I did!

(by the way, Nay, if you’re reading this you were sitting in the chair with the caterpillar crawling on it. Ha!)

Low and behold the caterpillar was setting the stage for metamorphosis to become a  monarch butterfly.

Again, I ran inside and said, “Larry, get your camera!  Come and see!”

As I researched the process of the monarch from caterpillar to butterfly I found it interesting. It’s stated they remain in their cocoon approximately two weeks. If I had my dates right the butterfly would emerge near the anniversary date of my mother’s death.

Again, the little things, He see, He knows, He cares. Take a moment to view the video Larry created of this transformation.

The Butterfly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dl0Cn-qWvWo 

Remember the Easter Lily I mentioned and the picture of it at the beginning of this post?  The one where the butterfly landed? Well, as I walked outside to begin my yard work, I noticed the lily in full bloom on the day marking the anniversary of my mom’s death.

I just smiled.

Is it coincidence or happenstance the lily would be in full bloom on that day?

No.

I believe He is in the little things, the details of our lives. He sees, He knows and He cares for you and for me.

____________________________

Scripture for reflection:

He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.   2 Corinthians 1:4

The Lord will accomplish what concerns me.  Psalm 138:8

You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even though I am far away. You see me when I travel and  when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say, even before I say it Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing upon my head.   Psalm 139:1-5

Have you ever heard the expression “Two worlds collide”? The saying refers to two different people with two differing points of view.

Yet what happens when two women, a design blog, a distance of 2400 miles, a time of 10 minutes and infertility clash?

Two Hopes Collide

The collision has brought a new contributing author to Dancing Upon Barren Land, may I introduce to you:

Hannah Bunker

Hannah happened upon Dancing Upon Barren Land by clicking my sponsor button on Jones Design Company website in Seattle, Washington, 2400 miles away. Come to find out, we live 10 minutes apart from one another in neighboring towns. Our proximity led us to the local Dunn’s coffee shop. Ah! Coffee! the one-stop shop; fuel for the writer and flint to kindle a friendship.

I came to realize my first assumption of her was little off. She was not reserve and unassuming, but rather a deep thinker, with a driving force to create!  She’s a woman who is determined! Focused in using her God-given talents of humor, crafting, writing, photography and blogging, just to name a few.

As our conversations deepened, the points of reference of our infertility paths were recalled. Surprisingly similar in medical diagnoses, doctors, surgeries and the pain and grief associated with infertility.  We were like two kindred souls, revisiting the pit stops along the barren highway and might I add, deep “pits.”

After leading a Christian infertility support group for the last five years and having this website for the last three I realize no two infertility journey’s are alike. Truly two worlds do actually collide! As Hannah and I began to get to know one another I realized we were in two different seasons, our age and phases of infertility and the ebb and flow of the psychological reactions associated with it.

For fun, we thought to create a table showing similarities and differences over between personality and fertility journey’s. Heck! I’m old enough to be her mother!

Obviously you can tell from our table the contrast between us yet there remains a commonality; our love for Jesus Christ and desire to reach others who are hurting through infertility. I like how Hannah states it on her blog series, Waiting for Grace.

• As a venue to share the struggles we have been through so in case someone else is going through the same thing to let them know they aren’t alone. We want to offer comfort and support with couples struggling with infertility.
• To bring awareness of the issues to those who would have never thought about it otherwise.
• To share our testimony. Yep, this is our testimony. Even though we don’t have a little one yet, we still believe that God is faithful and if sharing our story brings someone to Christ, then putting our pain and reservations aside while sharing our struggles…that makes it all worth it. It’s not just about having faith while struggling with infertility; it’s about trying to keep the faith while struggling through any issue in your life – big and small. If you’re going through something in your life right now, we want to encourage you to stay strong and believe that your victory is coming.

Two gals on the barren road, Hannah hopping around because the tender rocks hurt her feet, and me with feet tough as leather due to traveling many miles upon the barren road. With two hopes colliding, I’m hoping to bring openness and freshness to the website. Prayerfully we desire to bring hope, love and healing in infertility through Jesus Christ.

From time to time you’ll see Hannah contributing on Dancing Upon Barren Land through her blog posts on Waiting for Grace.

Will you welcome Hannah?  Give a shout out in the comments!

The only way not to feel ignored is to make our voices heard.  I realize it’s hard to do when we’re in the gripping emotional state of infertility. So instead of posting a prayer for today I thought I’d include some helpful links, information you can pass on to your family and friends. I don’t know if you are like me but at times I’ve found it easier to express how I feel through writing instead of speaking. Feel free to print out the links below and share it with your family member or friend.

What is infertility? http://www.resolve.org/infertility-overview/what-is-infertility/

Infertility Etiquette for Family and Friends: http://dancinguponbarrenland.com/infertility-etiquette-what-to-do/family-response/

In the meantime please take a moment and read Psalm 139:1-18.

Most of all, I want you to know you are not ignored by your Heavenly Father.  He is not ignorant to the fact of your suffering, nor does He ignore your hearts’ cry or turn away from your anguish.  He loves you with an everlasting love!

I’m asking God to wrap His loving arms around you today and continue to pray for you. Hang in there and I will too!

Lesli

CONCEPTION

“Heavenly Father, thank You that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by You! I desire faith like Abraham, believing that ‘You exist and that You are a rewarder of those who diligently seek You’. You said, ‘I would find You, God, when I seek You with all of my heart’. Father, I choose to seek You first, along this fertility journey. I praise You as You said in the Bible, that ‘You would bless the fruit of my womb, the number of my days you would fulfill and that none shall be barren among your people’. I thank You that infertility and sterility have been nailed to the Cross of Calvary through the sacrifice of Your dear Son, Jesus Christ! I thank you now, for giving me faith and hope to believe for a miracle!
In Jesus’ name, Amen!”

Deuteronomy 7:12-13, Psalm 113:9, 139:14, Matthew 6:33, Luke 1:36-37, Hebrews 11:1, 6 & 11

photo credit: hannahbunker.com

HOPE
Hearts Of Promise & Expectation for Women
Christian Infertility Support Group Meeting

Tuesday, April 10 th, 7:00 p.m.

The Ark Church
450 Humble Tank Rd.
Conroe, Texas 77304
936-756-1988

HOPE Christian Infertility Support Group is open to any who are experiencing infertility, secondary infertility, miscarriages or failed adoption attempts.  Come and receive hope from the Scripture, prayer for your broken heart and support for the journey.  The meeting is north of Houston and meets the 2nd Tuesday of every month.  I hope to see you there!

~ Lesli

]]> http://dancinguponbarrenland.com/2012/04/news-events-3/feed/ 0 http://dancinguponbarrenland.com/2012/04/unanswered-prayer/ http://dancinguponbarrenland.com/2012/04/unanswered-prayer/#comments Tue, 03 Apr 2012 09:00:27 +0000 Lesli Westfall http://dancinguponbarrenland.com/?p=1389 You might ask, “Unanswered Prayer? What’s with a title like that?”

Well, all I can say is “Don’t you ever feel this way?” I know I do from time to time.  After repeated petitions and requests with no results in the form of an answer we often wonder if God hears.

Yesterday I happened across this devotion from Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon titled Unanswered Prayer and of course it caught my attention! This great classic Christian author  ’hit the nail on the head’.  Most weeks I post a Monday Morning Prayer, but felt the words of this devotion were a perfect fit and timely!  Especially if you are like me who prays a specific prayer over and over, the repeated request for a child or pending issue.

Keep on praying!  The Bible says in Luke 11:9,  ”And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking, and you will find, Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.”

I encourage you, let’s continue to trust in Him and rest….He has our answer.

Lesli

Unanswered Prayer
Charles Spurgeon

“I called him but he did not answer.”
–Song of Songs 5:6

Prayer sometime lingers, like a petitioner at the gate, until the King comes forth to fill her bosom with the blessings which she seeks.  The Lord, when He has given great faith, has been known to test it by lengthy delays.  He has allowed His servants; voices to echo in their ears as from a brazen sky.  They have knocked at the golden gate, but it has remained immovable, as though it were rusted upon its hinges.  Like Jeremiah, they have cried, “You have covered Yourself with a cloud, so that no prayer can get through.”  Thus have true saints continued to wait patiently at length without reply, not because their prayers were not vehement, nor because they were unaccepted,  but because it so pleased Him who is a Sovereign, and who gives according to His own pleasure.  If it pleases Him to bid our patience exercise itself, shall He not do as He will with His own!  Beggars must not be choosers either as to time, place, or form.  But we must  be careful not to take delays in prayer for denials; God’s past-due bills will be punctually honored; we must not allow Satan to shake our confidence in God of truth by pointing to our unanswered prayers.  Unanswered petitions are not blown away by the wind, they are treasured in the King’s archives.  This is a registry in the court of heaven wherein every prayer is recorded.  Tested believer, your Lord has a tear bottle in which the costly drops of sacred grief are put away, and a book in which your holy groanings are numbered.  Before long your suit shall prevail. Can you be content to wait a little while? Won’t your Lord’s time be better than yours?  Before long He will comfortably appear, to your soul’s joy, and make you put away the sackcloth and ashes of lengthy waiting, and put on the scarlet and fine linen of full fruition.