What to Say
- “I accept you and love you know matter what.”
- “I am in agreement with you and praying for our children too.”
- “I am looking forward to having a family.”
- “I admire your walk of faith for our children.”
- “I want a child just as much as you do.”
- “I feel your frustration of unanswered prayer.”
- “We can do whatever it takes.”
- “I believe we will have a child.”
- “No matter what, we, together are a family forever!”
- “My love for you will never change, whether we have a family or not.”
- “We can try again next month.”
- Physical embrace, without words.
What NOT to Say or Do
- “It may not happen for us.”
- About miscarriage: “It’s no big deal.”
- “I am not as ready as you are.”
- “Don’t worry your cycle will come again next month.”
- The unwillingness to acknowledge there is a problem, and that we need help.
- Lack of faith to believe that God can do the impossible.
- Asking too many “what if?” questions.
How to Respond When She Starts Her Cycle
- Just listen and comfort her.
- “We will try again.”
- “It’s okay, we are going to get through this, I love you.”
- “I’m praying for us.”
- Hold her, cry with her, try to understand.
- Don’t act relieved.
- Let her have her meltdown.
- Give her space, time to wallow and then refocus.
- Give reassurance.
Kind Gestures You Can Do for Your Wife
- Request prayer at church for the two of you.
- Suggest buying a baby item, together. (Use discretion on this gesture.)
- Go to all of the doctors appointments.
- After each fertility treatment, buy a card, write an encouraging sentiment.
- Tend to her emotional needs.
- Don’t try to fix it.
- Find a infertility support group and attend together, or drive her to one for women.
- Give her some space.
- Send her a card to let her know you are thinking of her on Mother’s Day or any other family related holiday or gathering.
- Closeness and tender touch at the perfect moments.
- After miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant loss consider acknowledging that life with something special.