Living Life While You Wait, Pt. 1
Apart from my occasional Monday Morning Prayer and Fertility Fact posts I’m creating a series of three blog posts titled, Living Life While You Wait. I’ll not only share a bit of my experience, i.e. crazy emotions, but write from a devotional standpoint. I’ll share how God uses our experiences by planting seeds to bring about a better harvest, a better us into our lives.
My prayer as you read the blog posts you’ll take away a sense you are not alone and deeper belief in God, that He is with you on the bumpy, hard road of infertility.
Praying for you today.
Infertility is like a song, the song continues to play and it seems as if the dance through the barren land will never end. The song repeats. We push the the stop button incessantly, but to no avail. We press pause and the best we get is a change of tune to “While I am Waiting.”
What do we do while we wait?
We learn to live life. Living is what I learned to do.
I believe the key to living is found in Scripture.
“Return our fortunes, Lord, as steams renew the desert. Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest.”
Psalm 126:4-6 NLT
There are five distinguishable words in this verse:
These fundamental words are vital to health and joy. Our tears and weeping are a prelude to living life to the fullest. The next step is the seed. Before sprouting, a seed goes through a period of dormancy. The seed “survives adverse climate conditions until circumstance are favorable for growth.” God has planted a seed of desire for children into our hearts, but we face infertility. He has also placed many other seeds into our lives, which we can develop while we wait:
- seeds of character
- seeds of giving
- seeds of talent
In order for a seed to grow, it must be nurtured and watered. The tears we cry because of infertility moisten the seeds of character and giving and talent within us.
Infertility is one of the most heart-wrenching, emotional roller coaster rides we can ride. The testing of jealousy, anger, and shame, to name a few, is at each downhill slope, turn and twist. The ride is process of dealing with the psychological reactions reaching to the core of who we really are.
I’d like to share a story of how God planted the seed of character within me.
One cold Christmas season our dear friends JoAnn and Milt came to our home. We planned to go out for dinner that evening. they had moved back to Houston from Atlanta, so we were looking forward to getting together again. As we sat in our living room surrounded by the glow of the twinkling lights and scent of the Christmas tree, the announced the news.
We didn’t expect it to happen so quickly, but we’re expecting.
Their announcement added to the joy and warmth of season of Christmas, however, the atmosphere of my heart turned from warm to cold. We proceeded to dinner at one of our favorite Italian restaurants. The smell of garlic bread permeated the air, yet it didn’t stir my appetite. Throught the course of the meal, our convesation sounded to me like the teacher on the cartoon show Charlie Brown, as If I was in a glass bubble. (Are any of you old enough to remember Charlie Brown)?
Later that same evening, I happened to be home alone. I felt so angry and I’d had enough. I began to yell at God.
I held my Bible up to the heavens and yelled, “Why God?” This is not fair! I’ve been married longer, and You put this desire in my heart first; why are You doing this to me?”
My pitiful state resembled a volcano erupting, hot tears and bubling snot streaming down my face. Yet ever so gently, I felt my Heavenly Father’s loving kindness, He whispered.
Are you going to stay angry and jealous, or are you going to pray for that unborn child.
My response: Ouch, God, that really hurts.
Then I repented of my selfish, jealous state. Fast forward to a few years later. Now the child I prayed for while in my friend’s womb is my li’l friend Matthew. Out of all the children I know, he is the one who comes running with open arms with a big, loud welcoming, “Hi, Aunt Lesli.”
Infertility can present an opportune time to build our character. The seeds of character God has planted in me have not been easy, nor, has it been easy for me. Yet if I didn’t allow God to plant this seed in me I wouldn’t have this priceless, loyal friendship I have with JoAnn today, nor would I have my l’il friend Matthew too.
This is my friend, JoAnn, from an old Instagram photo.
I call her “Jo”. Isn’t she pretty? She’s a wonderful, beautiful mother and friend – both inside and out!
Food for thought: So, what seed of character has God planted in your heart recently? Please share in the comment section if you wish. Your experience just might help another person reading the post. Thank you.